I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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