The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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