and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
