WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
