My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize