Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
