you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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