Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
