What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
