I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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