doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
