Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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