I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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