hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
