I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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