her vagine was all disorganized.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
