So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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