Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
