Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
