A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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