a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
