Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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