Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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