Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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