Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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