I hate all girls vehemently.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
