I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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