I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize