My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize