some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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