I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
