oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
