I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
