Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
