my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
