I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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