You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
