I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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