i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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