U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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