gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
