just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
