Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
