Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
