i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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