I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize