nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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