Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
