Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
