...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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