i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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