i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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