Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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