I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
