i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dear god my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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