you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
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Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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