You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
