All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
