i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
