I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
