No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
