yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
