I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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