somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Four minutes until I can fart!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
