yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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